A Place to Think-continued

[Graebelle]

Something was off. He hadn't responded to her, just went on as if he was off in some other place, here with her but away mentally. He spoke of his mother, and how she had been killed before she could have seen this little hideaway. It saddened Sarah to know she wouldn't have had the pleasure of seeing it, feeling now like she was trespassing. The charm the little place had seemed to slowly retreat, being replaced by an almost haunted feeling, like the lives of those who had lived before her went on here, in this small space secluded from time. She brought her arms up to hug herself, the cold finally getting to her despite how long she had already been out and about moving in it. How could such a beautiful little place hold such dark and dreary memories?

Her eyes strayed from the scenery back to Rhys as he turned the blame on himself. She strongly disagreed with him, and it saddened her more to know that he held himself responsible for his mother's death. Couldn't he see he had only been a baby, a child? How could he have been responsible? Sarah was sure she knew the cause of his mother's death. It the was the town, the villagers fear of something different, a threat to them. They probably saw it as aiding the enemy, adding to their numbers where there would be one more mouth that would feed off of them. To those frightened villagers, the love between his father and mother wouldn't have mattered, only the fact that there would be another darkling running around, growing up to be like them. She wished to try and explain this to Rhys, but she knew he was too far gone at the moment to try, so lost in his world of grief and remorse for her or anything she had to say to pull him back.

When he stopped, Sarah was silent, unsure what to say. What could she say? She strongly believed anything she tried to say at this point would be overlooked by him, or since he was already in such an emotional state that he might turn and take a bit of his anger and hurt out on her before he even realized it. She didn't wish to envoke his anger, only to calm him down and get him back to seeing things with sense. "I'm sorry," she muttered, stepping towards him. She wasn't about to try and tell him she understood, because she didn't, but she did feel for him. What he carried was a heavy burden, something that seemed a little too heavy for his shoulders, but maybe she could get him to lighten the load a little, at least for the moment, or let her help carry it so he could catch his breath. She stopped beside him, lifting her hand up and placing it comfortingly against his shoulder. She hoped it wasn't overstepping any boundaries, and that she might provide some sort of comfort for him since it appeared no one else really was.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

His head turned at her touch, though he noticed it only distantly. He stared through her rather than at her, still too far in the past to realize she was right there, with eyes that were wide, giving him an almost panicked look.

His hand moved hesitantly to hers until his fingers touched hers. This small contact brought him out of his daze.

"My fault," he whispered with a strangled sob. "It was...my...fault."

He sank to his knees, head bowed and shoulders shaking with great wracking sobs. He had been holding it at bay his entire life, but Sarah's attempt at comfort was allowing him to truly grieve.

[Graebelle]

She could see as he turned to look in her general direction that he still wasn't there with her, lost somewhere in this past time he had mentioned, where his mother's death was something new and painful. It seemed even after all of these years he hadn't been able to let go of the thought, for some reason cutting himself down with this memory when ever it resurfaced in his conscious thoughts. Who could have done this to him? Made him think he was to blame for his mother's death? Someone must have in order to cause such damage so long after. He would never be able to let go unless he could come to terms with what had happened.

Finally he seemed to take some notice of her, reaching his hand towards hers. The small contact must have broken something within him, and she was startled when he fell to his knees, sobbing and completely distraught. Sarah was reminded suddenly of her aunt when she had first arrived, the grief that had still held tightly to her during those first days. She hadn't been sure at the time how to deal with the fits of crying, but eventually she had settled for just letting her aunt know she was there for her, even if her husband couldn't be any longer. In her mind, the comfort was a large part of healing. So she did the same with Rhys that she had done with her aunt. She knelt down slowly beside him, her expression falling somewhat saddened yet patient and calm. There was a moment's hesitation as she reached for him, thinking that he might not want her comfort, but she was reassured by her thoughts of her aunt and how well she was doing these days. Wrapping her arm around his shoulders, she stayed kneeled beside him, not cradling him against her as she had done for her aunt countless times, but just letting him know she was there, someone who was willing to help.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

He felt her place her arm around his shoulders and leaned into it. He couldn't seem to stop crying, though he wanted to. It felt as though his heart were being torn apart. But as he knelt there, Sarah at his side, he felt something inside begin to mend. Not just the loss of his mother, but of his friends. His wounded soul was healing. But the wounds, if one could call them such, had festered for so long that it would not be a clean healing. The scars would remain. But the pain would fade. As all pain did with time once the sharp edges had been smoothed.

After a while, the sobs eased and he looked up at her through haunted eyes. "Why? Why did you stay? What is my value to this world, that you would stay? What worth when I haven't even the courage to end my own suffering?" The panicked look returned, though his eyes remained haunted. "It would have been better for me to have died when I was born than for her to see the coward I have become."

He reached for the blade hidden in his boot, intending to find the courage. He hoped Sarah would leave. He didn't think she would let him do it.

[Graebelle]

Sarah was silent as Rhys cried, simply letting him lean against her and let loose what he had been holding back for who knew how long. Too long, of that she was certain. It amazed her that he could have kept all of this at bay for so many years. How old had he said he was? Over 10,000? There was so much that could have happened during that time, so much that could have slowly eaten away at him from the inside until he practically became numb to everything around him. But he wasn't truly, just good at giving off that impression. It must have hurt him a great deal for it all to come rushing back as it was to cripple him so. She had a feeling, if the choice had been his and he had more control over it, he wouldn't have allowed her to see him in this manner. Not like there was anyone she could tell about it. Her aunt would be one of the last to know though she would find out about every other detail of Sarah's life .

Eventually he quieted, the sobs growing softer and softer until they no longer shook him so violently. He grew still beside her, though she couldn't have been certain it was over. No, this could only be the first wave, the first part of healing. As with her aunt, she knew there would be other times when the grief would be too much to bear, and the whole process would begin over again, and most likely again after that. Being healed didn't happen over night. Just like with visible wounds, it would take time and care to make sure the wound healed properly and without complications. The only problem she saw with this was that she might not be there those times for Rhys as she had been with Aunt Rebecca. Would anyone decide to lend him a shoulder to cry on? Or would he be forced to suffer alone, where the wounds might continue to fester and grow without the care of someone else?

She met his gaze as he brought his up, concerned over the look she saw there. The puzzlement she felt only grew as he spoke, unsure what to make of his questions or how to answer them. What was he saying? That he was worthless? That she shouldn't have bothered? The look of his eyes changed, and with it the intent of his words. Had he really meant what she thought by his statement of ending his suffering? Did that really mean taking his life? Alarmed, Sarah frowned nervously, her voice temporarily deserting her. How was she to reply when she didn't know his worth, didn't know whether he truly had a purpose for being here other than a constant reminder to himself of his mother's death? She knew there had to be something, but what? What could be said to calm his new frenzied state?

Movement. His hand strayed, she could see, but to what she wasn't certain. From this angle all she could truly see was his face, still by her side and looking at her with growing panic. "Rhys, please." Her voice came out softly, a quiet plea. He intended something, she could almost read it in his eyes, but the details of this she didn't know. Not knowing worried her. "It wasn't your fault. The villagers--they were frightened, and people tend not to think straight when they are frightened," she said, speaking more just to get him to stop and think a moment. "You were only a child. How could you have possibly been responsible?" She didn't anwer his question, a purposeful move, and she hoped he wouldn't notice. She hadn't an answer yet for what he had asked, but she had gotten a spark that might help out her current argument. "I think the villagers might have went along with their plans even if you hadn't been born. But you're parents must have known of the danger they were in. They must have loved each other a great deal to overlook it. And I'm sure your mother wouldn't blame you. You are her son. There is no force in the universe that can break that bond, and the love that comes with it. She would want you to live a happy life." She fell silent again, not sure if she had said the wrong thing. Certainly something she had said could have been taken the wrong way, but she hoped Rhys would hear things the way she had intended them to be heard and at least consider his life differently than he currently did.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

Sarah's words penetrated the fog of emotion clouding his mind. He shook his head, trying to clear the fog and also her words from his brain. He knew it was his birth that had led to his mother's death. That was the truth and he lived with it every day. It was what he held to when in need of something to hold on to. But...Not my fault? But it is. I know it is. I am the reason she's gone. And I couldn't save anyone else. How do you stop time? I wish I knew. She says its not my fault... His thoughts circled, tangling themselves into a knot.

He calmed and released the blade's familiar weight. What she said made sense. She was right. But so was he. He knew it.

"Live? Huh. That parts easy. Its happy thats hard." He laughed, a sad, humorless sound. He looked at her, eyes still haunted but no longer on the edge of insanity. He was close to being back in control. "I'll be fine. I'll survive. I always have."

He placed his hand over hers, giving it a brief gentle squeeze before releasing it and climbing to his feet. He smiled sadly before reaching out his hand to her, offering to help her up.

"I'm sorry. I've kept you out longer than I said I would. I'll take you home if you like."

[Graebelle]

Though he still appeared more or less better than he had a second ago, she could still see that Rhys was far from okay. Temporarily he might have been, but with his life she wasn't sure if he ever could learn to live with how things were, at least in a way that didn't eat at him so. Even so, for the moment he seemed okay and in good enough shape to settle her worry. She took comfort from the gentle squeeze he gave to her hand, satisfied that for the time being things would be alright and that he could live another day. That seemed to be the easiest thing to do. Take one day at a time.

Letting her hand fall away from him as he rose, she was still a moment before readying to get herself to her feet. Smiling gently, she took the hand offered to her, standing and dusting down the front of her dress, ridding it of what she had picked up kneeling. Thankfully it wasn't much, and there wouldn't be too much proof for her aunt to determine she had gone out during the dead of night. Rhys mentioned how long they had been out, and Sarah knew it would be wise for her to return home now. "That would be best," she answered, afraid what her aunt might do if she should find her bed empty and her niece no where to be found. "I can come back tomorrow?" she asked, looking up at Rhys with a hopeful and questioning look, unsure if she had understood correctly. Sarah hoped she had. She was already looking forward to seeing this little hideaway in daylight.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

Rhys looked down on her face and smiled again, doing his best to hide the sadness that he could still feel. Sarah really was quite lovely. And not just in body. He felt that she had a lovely soul as well. She was certainly gentle and compassionate. And patient to, no doubt about that. Sarah will make some fellow very happy one day. But somehow, I think there isn't a man alive thats worthy of that amount of patience. Or gentleness. I know I'm not. But she showed her heart to me anyway. She is quite remarkable. I wonder if she knows it?

"You are more than welcome to come here whenever you wish. Any time, night or day. This place is yours if you want it. A gift of thanks. I've never felt alone here, and I hope you never do either."

He turned, giving her hand another squeeze and started back through the trees. "Come on, lets get you home before you end up in trouble. You can even ask questions about me if you like. I may not be up to answering them, but I can try. I don't know why, but I feel lighter." He grinned down at her. The sadness was still there in his eyes, but it was more of a shadow now than it had been. "What kind of magic were you using on me?" he asked, teasing her.

[Graebelle]

Sarah smiled, relieved that she had heard correctly and already started making plans for when she might be able to return. She could already imagine this place in the daylight, how beautiful everything would look with sunlight. The little cabin she was sure could only look cuter, and she was sure it would be easier to get to as well. At least with light she wouldn't be worried about tripping over her own feet in the dark. Now just to find a moment when her aunt didn't need her for a while. She would feel better if she left during the middle of the day, when the sun was high, so she figured that would be the ideal time. She would need to time herself carefully though, because she was sure she could lose herself in this little area, wandering around and getting to know the lay of things. She hadn't even seen the inside of the cabin yet.

She registered a moment too late what Rhys was saying as he continued, afraid she had heard wrong this time around. But no, it seemed she had heard right, that he was giving her this place in return for what she had done for him. She was shocked, unable to believe she had done something that made this a fair trade. In her eyes he was giving her something much greater than what she had given him. All she had done was show him a little kindness, give him a shoulder to cry on, and possibly save his life if what he had said earlier about darklings fearing things was true. Okay, maybe the trade was a little more fair than she had thought, but it was still unexpected, especially because of the familial tie Rhys must have felt with the place. Could she accept this, or would she feel like she was trespassing on property that belonged to someone else, even if they weren't currently living there on the premesis?

A bright smile had settled on her face at hearing this, and it remained as he turned to lead the way through the trees, Sarah quickly falling into step behind him. She was still so stunned over his gift that she hadn't gotten out a thank you yet, just struggling to come to terms with this as she listened to him go on. It did seem like what she had done had helped him relax and loosen up a little, she could see it when she looked at him. A part of her doubted it would ever completely go away, but at least keeping it at bay would be a start. His joking inquiry got a laugh out of her. "Well, if you aren't able to figure it out I'm not telling," Sarah joked back, laughing quietly again. "Thank you, about the cabin. It's very generous of you. But I fear, if it's mine, I may not want to leave it," she admitted with a shake of her head. It was perfect, just like it had been taken right out of a story book. Why would she wish to return to her aunt's house when she had this one here where she could sit and daydream all day long, imagining herself as one of the heroines in her books?

[1<3[)r@I<3]

He thought about her words as they walked. Not leave? I like the sound of that. I wonder if I could convince her to stay there forever? He glanced at her as a cloud passed over the moon. She looked happy.

"You could, you know. I think I would like that very much."

He stopped, turning to her and studying her face in the moon light slipping through the clouds. He wondered what her reaction would be if he never returned. Would she miss him? Or would she forget him? He wanted to reach up to touch her face but didn't. He had to clench his hand into a fist to stop himself.

He dropped his head instead, turning it to the side with his eyes closed. "You seem to be making a habit of saving me from myself. Had you not been there, I might have..."

He couldn't finish. He didn't want to alarm her. He thought he might have before though. He wanted her to come back, not frighten her off. He sighed, lifting his head as he once more shouldered his burden.

"Never mind. Its not important."

[Graebelle]

She chuckled gently when he replied, finding him to be no help. Who was going to remind her that she needed to stay back with her aunt if both Rhys and herself were telling her to stay at the cabin? Oh well. She knew it was just another one of her little fantasies, living in the cabin in the middle of the woods, wildlife all around her, a pond off to one side for her to read next to. Not to mention Rhys stopping by to visit every so often, when ever he felt like it. Even if it would be a gift of hers, she couldn't fully take it as her own. It wouldn't have felt right, knowing what she did about it. She would still allow him some claim to the place. He deserved that much.

Stopping as he did, half because she didn't think she could find her way on her own and half because she didn't want to run into him, Sarah looked up and met his gaze as he stared down at her for a moment's time, half wondering what could have been on his mind. Thoughts of her in the cabin? A sudden regret he had relinquished ownership of it? Hmm, perhaps that wasn't it. Had it been she figured she would have been able to see a hint of that somewhere on his face. But no, there was nothing there to suggest this, and she was prevented from making any more guesses by him turning his head away, eyes closing as he fell into thought again. His direction of thought surprised her, realizing then that, according to him, she had done quite a bit for him. In her eyes it was still just doing the right thing, what needed to be done. Maybe she had done more than just be kind after all.

As he decided to drop that thought, Sarah smiled gently, grateful herself to change their conversational course. She hadn't wanted to think of what might have happened to him had she left him alone out on the moors, or even here at the cabin earlier. There seemed a decent chance she truly would have never seen him again, and the thought almost made her shudder. To know someone one moment and then the next to suddenly have them gone. It was just like her aunt's loss all over again, but in this case it would have hit more home. As much as she loved her aunt and uncle, Sarah hadn't spent as much time with them as she probably could have, mainly learning much about her aunt now during her stay with her. That reminded her, she did need to get home soon. "I'm glad I helped you. I probably would have felt guilty if I hadn't," she stated, quite sure this would have been the case had she left him alone since it had been in her power to do something. "Can we resume our walk, please? I hate to rush things, but I fear Aunt Rebecca waking up to find me gone," she stated with an apologetic smile. She would have much rather stayed awake at the cabin all night, but so long as she was under her aunt's care, she didn't want to give her any more to worry or grow upset about. "Perhaps we can go on a walk again another night?" she suggested with a smile, already looking forward to another evening out.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

He didn't understand why she would think it was simply the right thing to do. If he had been human it would make sense. But he was a half-blood. But it didn't matter. What mattered was that she was glad she had helped. And that she wanted to see him again. That was the important part to him. That was worth holding on for. It was worth holding out against the tortures that were his memories for.

But what if I didn't hear her right? What if what she wants is simply a moonlight stroll and it doesn't matter who is with her? I don't know if I'm in good enough shape mentally to handle that. I think I've found someone to live for again. A friend.

"I would very much like to take another walk with you. It needn't be at night though, if you would prefer daylight. I can stay out for longer than most half-bloods. I don't fear the sun." He spoke softly, trying to convey the emotions he was unfamiliar with expressing. Perhaps he would tell his brother about this amazing woman he had met. Perhaps not.

He reached up to brush her cheek as the clouds moved on, bathing them in bright moonlight. He knew she needed to get home, but he could see her house from where they stood. It wasn't far. And he wanted this to last as long as it could.

"I can see your house. Your aunt isn't awake unless she likes to sit in the dark. I could wish this night went on forever. I've found a friend, I hope? And a comfort as well."

He turned, leading her to the back door. "Sleep well. I look forward to our next meeting." He bent down, removing the blade from his boot and holding it out to her. "Will you keep this for me? If anyone finds out about tonight, your life could be in danger. Use it if you need to protect yourself. Don't hesitate. And even if nothing happens, I'm safer if you have it."

[Graebelle]

She was admittedly surprised when he offered a walk with her during the day, having expected that time to be sort of off limits for him. Could he really withstand more sunlight than other half-bloods or was he just saying this to make the time more convenient for her? She didn't mind the walks during the night, actually enjoying the moonlight after being sheltered from it by her worried aunt who feared her being taken as a meal for one of those living in the Houses. They weren't to be trusted as far as her aunt was concerned. However, Rhys had proven her wrong on this too. He seemed to be changing her opinion of things left and right. She couldn't help wondering if it would ever stop.

As he reached up and brushed her cheek, she blinked, the contact not being something she had been expecting. It felt like such an intimiate gesture for two people who had barely met just a short while before, and she couldn't stop herself from blushing slightly, her gaze immediately falling away from him. Sure, she had easily put her arm around his shoulders and held him to her side while he had cried only moments ago, but this wasn't the same kind of gesture to her. When she finally brought her eyes back up, the moonlight was still streaming over them, his pale hair nearly glowing with it. It did wonders for him, causing his eyes to stand out brightly in contrast, and she noticed a second later that he was speaking to her again, stating he wished the night wouldn't end and asking whether he had her friendship. She smiled automatically, though her cheeks were still touched with pink, and nodded her head gently, wishing too that they could have more time.

Letting him lead her back to her house, she stopped beside the back door, wishing strongly then too that the night could have stretched for them, given them more time to enjoy it. "I do too," she replied when he mentioned another outing, puzzled when she saw him bend over to retrieve something from his boot. A blade. Was that what he had meant to get when he had reached towards his boot earlier in the evening? Had he been trying to get this out in his anger and hurt? She didn't at first want to take it, though what he said about her possibly being in dangr because of their walk worried her greatly. If that danger shifted over to her aunt she wasn't sure she could live with that guilt. Realizing this was what he had meant earlier at the cabin, she took it carefully from his hand, turning it over before her before looking back up at him. "I'll keep it. Thank you," Sarah replied softly, almost a whisper. In a moment he would go, and she would end up heading to her room and falling asleep. Would she think she had dreampt all this when she woke? No, this blade would be proof it had been real. She gripped it around the hilt a little tighter, hanging onto her proof that this was still reality, that she wasn't dreaming.

[1<3[)r@I<3]

He watched her blush, thinking that it only made her prettier. Then it dawned on him that she might take it as more intimate than he had meant it.

"I'm sorry. I...I thought you might have been a dream. I wanted to see if you were real. I needed to know that for sure. Its been a long time since I've had a friend."

He was relieved that she had accepted the blade. I don't know if I can stand another loss. Not after the last few. But I can't hide from it forever. And now she has protection even if I can't guard her myself. The sight of her gripping the hilt tighter made it seem as if she thought he, too, was a dream.

He smiled down at her and bowed deeply, almost losing his balance in the process. He laughed softly at himself. "It seems I may have waited a little too long. I'd best be getting home myself. Shall I see you at the cottage tomorrow?"

He turned and began to walk away, the night seeming colder now that he was alone. This night, he knew, would be one of the most difficult he had ever faced. But he would do his best to not let Sarah down. She had said he should live. So he would try to keep his demons at bay.

[Graebelle]

He had had the same feeling she did, like it all might have been some fantastical fantasy their minds had created just to give them something new to deal with for a few hours. Sarah hadn't thought it might not have only been her to feel this, and almost chuckled realizing they were both thinking along the same lines. It would make the whole experience all the more memorable, considering they were both worried about the other suddenly suddenly disappearing off the face of the earth and proving it had just been a wild and crazy thought that had presented itself as reality.

She smiled, of course, when he bowed, shifting where she stood like she would reach out and try to catch him before he fell when he lost his balance. His condition was making him much weaker than he was letting on. All this was still unfamiliar to her, how often a darkling or even a half-blood could go without drinking or how much was necessary to keep them alive, but she had a feeling she could eventually find out. They were both eager enough to see each other again the next day, and if she was given another chance to ask random questions she was sure to remember this to find out. In the mean time, she would think on more questions that she would like answers to and hope that when she could get them out Rhys would have an answer for her.

Nodding her head, she quietly agreed, repeating his, "Tomorrow," statement. Already she was wishing it was time to go, and she hadn't even set foot inside of the house yet. Turning, she opened the door and stepped inside, closing it quietly behind her. Before going to her room, she stopped outside of her aunt's bedroom door, listening to the faint snoring coming from within. Sound asleep. That was good. Carefully, Sarah stepped away from the door and proceeded down the hall, going into her bedroom and getting ready for bed. Picking the blade up off the bed where she had set it, she wondered what she would do with it. Hiding it seemed the best option for now, since she didn't want her aunt finding it and asking questions. She hid it within a drawer of the desk tucked away in the corner of the room, figuring her aunt wouldn't look there. Satisfied, she lay down in bed, replaying the events of the night before sleep would take her.

OOC: Alright, so were we going to save the thread so they could meet there again? Or were we just going to start another for the day? I can't remember at the moment. xP